What You Want
by FlyingCatFish
Summary: songfic of What You Want by Evanescence .. belarus breaks out of hospital to go find russia even though hes the one that put her there .. little bit of RusXbel if you look hard enough .. rated M for death an such not sex or anything ..


**ive recently been writing oneshots cos i cant be bothered updating anything long term .. an a guud friend of mine ((an her mum )) gave me a CD which i am absolutely chuffed with cos its AMY FREAKING LEE an Evanescence ((as well is Avenged Sevenfold )) is my absolute fave song .. anyway i was playing it through an the first track caught my attention an ive decided to write YET ANOTHER song fic ! x3 amazingly this fanfic wont focus on russia ((hes my fave )) hope yah like R&R&E**

**What You Want**

_Do what you, what you want  
>If you have a dream for better<br>Do what you, what you want  
>'til you don't want it anymore (remember who you really are)<em>

Natalia Alfroskaya sat upright in her hospital bed, propped up by a few cushions. She flicked boredly through the pages of a magazine and eventually threw it down onto the floor.  
>"You still here, Natalia?" Heracles said as he passed by.<br>Natalia nodded at him groggily. She tried to keep a composed look on her face, but it only half succeeded in hiding the fatigue in her eyes.  
>"The doctors think I may have Concussion" she said smiling slightly "They won't let me leave"<br>Heracles nodded and didn't reply. Natalia didn't blame him, she must've looked a wreck. It was _his_ fault she was in there. But he'd rejected her for the last time.

_Do what you, what you want  
>Your world's closing in on you now (it isn't over)<br>Stand and face the unknown (got to remember who you really are)_

She waited until Heracles had passed and then clambered out of bed. She pulled on a dressing gown over her hospital gown and pulled on her shoes. She rummaged around in the pocket of her coat and pulled out a small huntin knife that she carried with her eveywhere. Then she left before anybody could stop her.

_Every heart in my hands  
>Like a pale reflection<em>

She tried to ignore the ringing in her ears, but it had grown worse since she'd been first admitted to the hospital for her "Fall". Natalia exited the hospital and started her journey home.

_Hello, hello, remember me?  
>I'm everything you can't control<br>Somewhere beyond the pain  
>There must be a way to believe<br>We can break through_

Natalia banged on the door and leaned on the door frame to stop herself from falling over. She clutched her head and groaned. The door opened and Ivan's head peeped through. He immediately tried to push the door closed again but Natalia pressed all her weight againt the door and tried to push against him. Instead she collapsed to the ground and lay there moaning.

_Do what you, what you want  
>You don't have to lay your life down (it isn't over)<br>Do what you, what you want  
>'til you find what you're looking for (got to remember who you really are)<em>

Ivan waited for her to get up and "surprise attack" him, but she didn't. He frowned. Maybe she was serious. He opened the door and stood on the front porch in bare feet.  
>"Little Sister, are you okay?" he asked, prodding her arm with his foot.<br>Natalia glared up at him, her fingers uncurling from around the knife.  
>"You- You did- This-" she slurred, she was squinting in the sunlight.<p>

_But every hour slipping by  
>Screams that I have failed you<em>

Natalia slowly slipped into darkness, only slightly registering Ivan's voice.

_Hello, hello, remember me?  
>I'm everything you can't control<br>Somewhere beyond the pain  
>There must be a way to believe<em>

Natalia regained consciousness about thirty five minutes later. She was back in her hospital bed, but this time Ivan was perched on a chair beside her. She kept her eyes half closed as they adjusted to the sudden light.  
>"Hey, you're awake" he said smiling slightly, it felt weird to smile at his creepy little sister.<br>"Where am I!" Natalia screamed, she started thrashing around feebly under the covers.  
>"Little Sister, you're safe" Ivan promised her "You're in a hospital"<br>Natalia looked around blindly, trying to find him. But everything had gone blurry and she could only make out dark shapes. She tried to hear him but the ringing had gotten worse and it drowned out his voice.

_Hello, hello, remember me?  
>I'm everything you can't control<br>Somewhere beyond the pain  
>There must be a way to believe<em>

Natalia tried to sit up but she fell back down. Ivan immediately helped her sit up and propped her against the pillows.  
>"W- Why- Are you-?" She didn't finish but she didn't need to.<br>"You may be creepy and annoying, but you're my little sister" Ivan replied, then he added "And it's my fault you're here"

_Natalia had followed him home for the last time. He'd had enough. He waited until she got to the top of the stairs.  
>"Big Brother, this is getting ridiculous" she told him as she reached the top "Just be with me"<br>She reached her arms out toward him but he shoved her away in a panic. Then she tumbled down the stairs and hit her head on the linoleum floor._

_There's still time  
>Close your eyes<br>Only love will guide you home  
>Tear down the walls and free your soul<br>'Til we crash  
>We're forever spiraling<br>Down, down, down, down_

Natalia opened her mouth and the hospital food she'd earlier consumed tumbled down onto her lap. Ivan went and got some tissue and cleaned it up for her, desperate to ease his guilt. A nurse came by and saw him.  
>"Sir, you don't have to do that" she told him, but she was ignored.<br>"I didn't mean to hurt you like this" Ivan said "I only wanted you to leave me alone"  
>Natalia nodded and said nothing, she didn't trust her voice to give her away.<p>

_Hello, hello  
>It's only me infecting everything you love<br>Somewhere beyond the pain  
>There must be a way to believe<em>

"Big- Bro- ther, if I- slip into- into a- coma-" Natalia stuttered "Pull- The- Pull the plug"  
>Ivan nodded once and took her hand in his and squeezed it, she squeezed back.<p>

_Hello, hello, remember me?  
>I'm everything you can't control<br>Somewhere beyond the pain  
>There must be a way to learn forgiveness<em>

The only thing Natalia could see was a blur. There was a bright intense light that hurt her half closed eyes and there was a dark dull blur that kept moving and figiting; she guessed that this was Ivan. The ringing grew even more intense and she felt a dribble of liquid run from her nose.  
>"Little Sister, I just want you to know-" Ivan began, but she couldn't hear him, all she could hear was the ringing.<br>Then she felt a pair of lips press against hers. In a moment of shock and panic she resisted but then she remembered everything she'd yearned for in life and began to kiss back.

_Hello, hello, remember me?  
>I'm everything you can't control<br>Somewhere beyond the pain  
>There must be a way to believe<br>We can break through_

Ivan ignored the rank taste of bile and continued kissing Natalia. He'd never really thought about her that way before, and he still didn't. But when he'd seen the spinal fluid drip from her nose he knew she wouldn't be there for long, and he wanted her to be happy while she died.

Natalia's vision shut down completely and eveything else went with it. She fell into a dreamless sleep with no feeling or anything. At least the ringing was gone.

Yuki, Raivis, Toris and Eduard all made their way through the hospital. Yuki had recieved a call from the hospital saying that Natalia had become comatose and that Ivan was already there. They pulled back the curtain and revealed Ivan sitting in a chair next to the bed that Natalia lay in. he looked up as the entered but didn't say anything.  
>"I thought it was concussion, how did it get this bad?" Yuki sobbed, Ivan got up and put his arms around her.<br>"Say your goobyes" Ivan told them "I'm pulling the plug"  
>"What if she wakes up?" Toris whimpered, not really wanting to speak out against Ivan but not wanting Natalia to die.<br>"She asked me to do this" Ivan shook his head and went over to the life support. He pulled out the plug.

_Remember who you really are  
>Do what you, what you want<em>

Then Natalia flatlined.

**not exactly what i intended .. i planned for her to go do all the things that shed wanted to do in life .. i also didnt want that much russia involved but ah well x3 i think its gone a bit russiaxbelarus teehee x3**


End file.
